What The Living Do

From the interview on National Public Radio station 20^th October 2011, the poet Marie Howe in her poem “What the Living Do” describes the loss of her beloved brother and her living beyond the loss. Her brother John was very sick before his death. Howe and the rest of the family loved one another. This love was generously shared with John their brother before his death.            

            Death is a common experience in which everyone shares. It is one of the realities that comes into everyone’s life and reminds them of both loss and hope. For loved ones, it is a loss in the sense that they would not be able to see and feel and hear this person again. But there is hope in the sense of feeling fulfilled for having shared life with this deceased loved one. According to Howe, one’s life is never the same again. Even if the dying person knew s/he was dying, it is always difficult for both the deceased and the living to let go.

            This reminds me of the death of my Dad. He was a very good father to all, both his biological children and the neighbors’ children. He was popularly known as “Baba Yaara” meaning father of all children. He was sick for about five months, yet he still went about his daily work. I remember our last conversation vividly; it comes back to me all the time. Although he is dead, he lives forever in my memory.

            His death was a shock to all of us. I remembered my elder sister saying “No, it can’t be true.” “It’s not my father!” “Tell me it’s a lie.” I was devastated myself, thinking about the past and imagining the future. It was like how we are going to survive without him. We were very young when he died. The oldest was twenty-one, just finishing high school, and the youngest was four. She still did not know her right hand from her left. She kept asking everybody “Where is my Dad?” “Take me to go see him”. It was difficult for my Mum to accept the reality too that her beloved husband was gone. Just as Howe write “. . . my life has changed, so really I don’t know how to live it anymore. And then, you know, you find a way.” So also, my family was never the same again. Our consolation during this loss period was the love we shared with him. Hardly would a day go by without mentioning his name in one way or the other.

            Death is certain. It is part of our lives. It does not give us any option whenever it knocks. The love we share with our loved ones before they depart from us remains our only consolation. Just as Howe was joyfully remembering her brother’s death, even writing a poem in his honor, so also, my family and I do remember our father’s life and death with a sense of fulfillment to have shared in his love.

Sometimes, One Is Enough

In his article “Sometimes, One Is Enough” Frank Deford wonders if the best-of-seven game series is really a good idea. He argues that most people use the opportunity to make more money because more games played mean more money. Another argument of Deford is that it puts people under pressure and tension as they are always longing for the winner.

            I do not agree with his idea that what works best in entertainment games is single elimination. When you lose, you go home. The idea of a game is to keep people in suspense so that they can look forward to the final winner. Games are not just playing or watching the game itself, but the excitement and relaxation that comes with it. That is what makes entertainment special. If one just played once and one gets evicted then, there is no point in trying again. Sure there must be a winner in every game. Even if a team is the best team, there is no guarantee that they would win a game in the onset until the game is over and the team came out victorious.

            The purpose of games is for entertainment and relaxation. It makes people get out of their daily routines and participate in the social life of the community. Life is not all about work, there is a need to relax. Games, especially the seven series games, can help clear one’s mind of any trouble and change one’s mood for the better.

            It is true that some people benefit more during these game competitions, but that is not the main point of organizing a game.  Players gain confidence and experience required during the game and even if they do not win, it does help them in future series games.

            In Nigeria, games bring people together and people attach themselves to a team or a player or both. Watching them play is a great excitement. They derive a lot of satisfaction in watching and even participating in games because it helps them to cast off any worries that might lead to poor health. Also, if they miss one or two of the series, they still have opportunities to watch other games. If it’s just one game and it’s over, it is not exciting, neither is it entertaining. Moreover, there are two possible outcomes in any game: win or lose. Seven series game gives the team opportunities to catch up if they were losing. A onetime game only doesn’t really prove the best team or the best player because a very good team might lose the first time. Playing the series gives them opportunities to work harder.

In conclusion, seven game series is fun and entertaining; therefore, one is definitely not just enough.   

Veranda: A Yoruba Sculptor

Veranda: A Yoruba Sculptor carved by Agunna  (Died 1930)

Wood Pigment by Lawrence Archer Wachs Trust 2003.271 (Location: Art Museum, Cincinnati.)

            This wood carving image capture my attention because it represents the tribe that I belong to. I chose to write on this because it reminds me of ancient Yoruba culture when men were regarded as powerful. This image actually shows gender roles in the Yoruba communities.

            The Yoruba tribe of Nigeria, decoratively carved veranda posts graces the courtyard of palaces and the entrance to shrines. The strong geometric shapes of this veranda post reveal the distinctive hand of Yoruba master sculptor Agunna of Oke Igbira, from southwestern Nigeria, who died around 1930. The artist conveys a lively visual tension through angular, compact forms put side by side with openwork areas and through postures that suggest action or movement- such as the charming baby whose head is turned to one side, thus engaging the viewer.

            The composition speaks of power. The upper section, which celebrates the nurturing power of women, is dominated by a seated female, with one child on her lap and another on her back. The lower section portrays a powerful male figure with flywhisk in hand, astride a horse- an artist convention denoting authority and prestige. Smaller figures represent musicians, religions specialists and devotees, and women in nurturing poses, all forming part of Yoruba community life.

            Cultural functions are clearly divided among the people of this tribe. Females are in charge of domestic works such as nursing babies, cooking food and cleaning the house. The females of this tribe usually held the males in high esteem as they are regarded as powerful. The males are to provide for their family and give protection against external attack. As seen in this wood carving, the male figure was carved carrying the female and her children. This clearly showed responsibility and authority. The children are also responsible for domestic errands.

            The small figures playing instruments represent the social aspect of Yoruba community life. Relaxation and socialization form an integral part of this community as people gathered at different times of the year to celebrate their successes, and get together. In so doing, they share not only their joys, but they also share in each other’s sorrowful moments. Musicians and entertainers have always been called upon whenever there is a celebration.

            The Yoruba community has a great devotion to the Almighty. They have both male and female images of God. The wood carving helps them to fix their imagination on the images they can see. They respect these images as they would for Almighty. This is why these images are placed at the entrance of the palace and shrine. These two places have a powerful representation of the Almighty in Yoruba community. The palaces are where the throne of their king is. This king represents the higher king. Therefore; everyone must respect him, not only for his position, but also for whom he represents. The shrine is a physical meeting place of the Almighty. There are priests in charge of these shrines, as the mediators between humans and God. The images at this shrine are to remind the worshipers of the uniqueness and power of this God.

            Images and paintings serve as decorations and at the same time they help people to see beyond their immediate vision. This Veranda sculpture has served a lot of functions in Yoruba communities. 

 

What does Fish have to do with Foot Fungi?

           
What do foot fungi have to do with fish-flops? Probably, it tries to sell the idea that those with foot fungi smell just like stinking fish. The only solution is to use this product. This ad is ineffective because the message is unclear. It is not attractive and it is not directly specking to its audience. 

The message is unclear because the main idea that this ad is trying to sell is almost invisible as the print in the ad was small. It is not noticeable at the corner where it is placed. Most people would look at this advert as stupid rather than straining their eyes to know the message behind it. For an ad to be effective it has to be direct, easy to understand and the main message should be in bold so that people can easily see and have reason to believe that the product is good. This ad did exactly the opposite.

 Using fish-flops to advertize this medicine is not attractive because what does fish have to do with fungi infection? Although it caught my attention, but it is rather disgusting as it seems to me that those who like fish are being criticized. This ad should have used another image like an elderly person who was happy after using this product.

The foot fungi disease is found mostly among older people. These older people don’t walk around in flip-flops; rather it is younger people that like wearing flip-flops. This foot fungi medicine they were trying to sell to those who have stinking feet, is not going to reach the intended audience. Also, older people are not interested in an ad like this because it doesn’t appeal to them. An ad should rather speak directly to its audience and make the message clear so as to catch the attention of many interested people.
 This Ad is one of many examples of inappropriate use of images for advert. It makes the message unclear. It makes the advert unattractive and it doesn’t reach the intended audience.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Marriage: A life’s Long Journey

            In her article “What’s Love Got to Do with it?” Anjula Razdam explains the pros and cons of both arranged marriages and romance attractions. Half of all the so-called “Western Romance Marriages” in America end in divorce. Many divorced couples based their marriages on physical attractions and passions rather than on love. There are many things to consider before making any commitment especially a life commitment like marriage. First, marriage needs give and take. One should not expect too much from his or her partner. There should be a flow of communication and understanding between the two who are committed to each other. Faithfulness and endurance cannot be left out; in fact, they are the back bone of every successful marriage crowned with real love.

            Most marriages which are arranged are either traditionally arranged or by match makers. It does not matter where and how couples meet each other, what matters is their commitment to their marital life. Some people just marry because their friends are marrying and they want to belong to the same group. Therefore, they marry without really loving their partner. They soon divorce when the road becomes difficult. They have no endurance nor do they know what it means to make a commitment. 

            My parents’ union was an arranged marriage. They knew each other as they both grew up in the same village, but had never gone out on a date. Customs and traditions had to be observed especially in choosing a life partner. Even if one has seen someone suitable to marry, one still has to allow an elder, usually one’s parents or any elder from the kindred, to say “Go head”. In this way, one is committing him/herself not only to the partner, but also to that entire family. Eventually, the couples learn to love each other and their relations.

            My parents were a great example. I have never heard my parents exchanging words in my presence, neither have I seen them invite a third party to settle their disputes. They were even counselors to other couples as many people come to them for advice. Even though things were not always as smooth as humans may expect, yet they both learned to cherish and love each other.

            Marriages based on passions and attractions soon fade away, unless they were built on love and endurance. Then they will survive the difficulties as things will not always go the way one wants them. The divorce rate is increasing not only in the United States, but also in almost every culture. The reason is obvious; people marry for passion not for love, therefore, they fall in love today and the next day, they fall out of love. No real commitment!

How to Land Your Kid in Therapy

In her blog entitled “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy” Lori Gottlieb explained why many young adults were not always happy with their childhood experience. Although, many of these young adults seemed to be happy with their parents, yet something was still missing in their lives. One of her patients said, “I love my parents! I had a great childhood! I’ve got a good job! So why do I feel so lost?” According to Gottlieb’s explanation, their parents might have been too familiar with them or they might lack parents’ attunement. Instead, by giving their children freedom to “find themselves” many parents did not prepare them for life’s realities.

There is a common saying in Africa that it takes one person to give birth to a child, but the whole city is responsible for training this child. Parents are responsible for balancing their children’s behavior and providing for them their basic needs. It is not everything a child asks for that should be given to him/her. As adults, parents should know when to set limits for their children. Also to let them know that life does not provide one with everything one wants.

When I was six years old, I left my family to stay with my aunt. I am the third child in my family, and I have some younger ones after me. I was not solely responsible for their wellbeing because I had two elderly siblings taking care of us when my parents were not in. Living with my aunt, I became the first child because her children were younger than me. I learned how to manage a house, especially when my aunt and her husband were not in. I remembered her telling me “If you were not born, would you not come to this world?” That is, must I be taught everything? I learned how to take initiative and to make some decisions when they were not in. This helped me to learn how to take responsibilities for my actions.

I agree with Gottlieb’s assessment that parents are either too attuned to their children or lack attunement. You can always find such children among multitudes of people because they are not secure in themselves. Their parents had contributed so much to these children’s lack of self confidence. Therefore, these children began to look for solutions to their problems as adults, in other words, they landed in a therapist’s office.

Kenyon Commencement Speech

  

In his commencement address entitled “Kenyon Commencement Speech”, David Foster Wallance advised the Kenyon’s graduating class of 2005 to be strong as there were many challenges ahead of them. He said that it is true that they have learned many things during the course of their studies. Implementing these learnings would not be an easy task as they would be dealing with many people and difficult moments. He reminded them that they would not always get their way because they would not be the center of the world as they might think they were. Other people also are important. He emphasized that they need to learn some control over how and what they think about. This would help them in choosing what they pay attention to and to choose how they construct meaning from their life experiences.

School days are like theory periods, when one learns all the techniques and skills required to make things work. When one eventually finishes studying, then it would be time to implement everything one learned and to practice all the skills that they have acquired. This is not as simple as it sounds because one will be dealing with different people with different personalities. It is not possible to control these people like robots because they also have their feelings and the freedom that you have. They also want things to work out for them, just as I do for myself.

Five years ago, when I completed my initial training as a religious, I was sent to a new community to work there as the school Bursar. This was a time to implement all that I had learned. I had figure out in my head how I would cope in this new environment and practice all what I had been taught. It was not as simple as I had thought. I had to learn how to balance my work and my relationships with people I lived and worked with. Adjusting to this new environment and new job was so stressful for me at the beginning. Attending to so many people and their requests, being conscious of making many silly mistakes and doing some extra curriculum activities in the school clouded my mind. Gradually, I began to adjust and I was able to implement the skills I had learned during the course of my studies.

I really agree with Wallace because theory and practices are two difference things. It is enough to learn something in abstract, but to make them real is where the problem lies. I had to make a choice either to be happy or to be miserable because things did not always work out the way I would have wanted them. Life is always presenting us choices. What to choose does not depend solely on us, but everyone around us should be taken into account while deciding on the things to do.