You are not alone
In his blog entitled “Error at first base” Mike Birbiglia described his first kiss. It made him realize that he was not the only one that felt awkward the first time. It is a universal experience that almost everyone feels.
This reminded me of the first time I read in public. I had always felt I could do it, if others were doing it. This happened when I was in high school. Every morning, we had prayer together with a few announcements. These were conducted by students from every class but monitored by some teachers that were assigned to do that.
This fateful day, I had practiced the reading several times, made somebody listen to me and everything seemed perfect until the time to do the reading. I walked up to the podium quite confidently. As soon as I looked at the audience I was to read to, I became totally blank. I saw the letters of the reading, but I was reading something different. Where I got that from, I have no idea. My voice started shaking and I became inaudible. I wished the earth would open and I would disappear. I refused to raise my face; I just buried it inside the book I was reading from.
At the end, I finished the reading. I walked back to join my classmates. My legs were as heavy as a 200 pound stone. I could hardly move them. I was short of breath. I was expecting lots of criticism either from my classmates or from the teacher on duty. I thought I had disgraced the whole class and even the school. A lot of things were going on in my head. How would I ever show my face again in front of my classmates? When my family heard about this, what would they say?
During the school break, the teacher on duty that day walked up to me and I was so scared. I thought that she had come to scold. But on the contrary, she was just encouraging me that most people feel that way the first time they read in the public. That it was normal. She also said I would get perfect with constant practice. Hearing this from her, I felt calm and serenity returned to me as if it has been stolen from me before.
Just as Birbiglia heard his friend say “me too!” and he was like, “oh I thought I was the only one feeling that way”, I felt the same way too. I realized and learnt that doing things for the first time, especially when it has to do with other people is so difficult. It takes a lot of time for one to think about it. The time to execute the plan is much less than the time it takes to get it done. It is always an awareness moment to know that other people feel that way too. “You are not alone.”
